A MUSING ALONG THE ROAD TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT

In a couple weeks I turn 35, which is a minor landmark age I think. It’s half way to 40 (the new 30). I like reflecting on “where I am” in my life when I hit these milestones big and small. Turning 30 was fantastic – I embraced the notion that I got a visit from the “f off fairy” upon turning 30 and could be a happier more secure person. This was true, even if only because I made it true.

So where am I at 35 that is different than when I was 30? There are many things that are different, and one has to do with my relationship with weight and food. I thought of this because my “blog friend” Sea Legs Girl often posts about weight and running and her struggles with wanting to be really skinny. She recently posted about BMI and running. Personally, I think she has evolved since I’ve been reading her blog into a more reasonable person on this topic, but her posts are typically easy to dismiss as insane or eating disordered. But then, probably most of us have to admit to being conscious of our weight and occassionally making ourselves crazy over it. Who hasn’t stepped on the scale and allowed the number to affect our mood at some time or another? Hopefully most or many of us have found some sort of peace with our bodies, the scale and our relationship with food. I feel like I have come much closer to a permanent treaty, which might not be totally obvious if you hear me make jokes about being morbidly obese etc., but old habits die hard, right? And what’s funnier than self-deprecation? I thought I would share some of the “eureka” moment type realizations I’ve come to, and hope stay with me as I continue on in my 30s and closer to the new 30.

1) Most of these realizations must be credited to my friend Cheryl who is now a Registered Dietician. In learning about how incredibly smart our bodies are at getting their way (to put it simply), she (and thus me) has learned that to some extent obsessing is a losing battle anyhow.

2) Cheryl has a good friend, who I’ve had the pleasure of getting to know, who is anorexic. Knowing someone and seeing someone in person who is truly anorexic helps put things in perspective. Being healthy and able to do the things we love is what matters. Strong bones, strong muscles and a healthy attitude don’t get enough props. Check out my friend Corey, below, with her overhead squat -- pretty awesome.



3) I was overweight in law school and did need to lose that weight – I did so (lost about 35 pounds total) and was about 10 pounds lighter than I am now for a while but have hovered at my current weight more or less (+/- 5 pounds) for the past 5-6 years. And yet I constantly have this idea that I should diet or do something to lose X pounds in X months. And how is that working for me? J What a colossal waste of time. The things we do every day or over the course of an average week for all our life are what affect our weight in the long run. Sure, extra holiday weight should be shed so as to not let it pile on year after year, but on the whole, a diet is a complete waste if the weight cannot be maintained. That’s the tough part. I cannot maintain at 115 pounds. I’m done bothering with that nonsense.

4) My athletic performance is dictated by my training. Yes, with all else being equal I am faster when I am skinnier, but all else is never equal with me because being skinnier usually means I’m not eating enough to train really well. Seeing how no one is paying me to run or Crossfit, I’m not going to beat myself up over failing to reach my highest potential as an “athlete.” I’ll take the low-hanging fruit in terms of victories :p Not that others shouldn’t make this a priority even if it’s a hobby – I’m all for that. Me, I have other priorities too that don’t jive with peak performance.


5) No one cares how much I weigh so long as it’s healthy.

6) I am not happier when I weigh 5 pounds less. I’m the same only lighter and probably hangry (hunger = angry).

7) If I do not obsess about calories or WW points and just use basic common sense in my eating, I don’t feel as hungry and don’t gain weight. At this moment I know I could have a piece of that chocolate cake if I wanted it. I don’t want it because I’m not hungry. Thus, I won’t eat it. My brain doesn’t work this way when chronically calorie deprived. My brain and my stomach instruct that I binge on the cake. . . then I feel sad and must starve and the cycle continues.


8) If I eat more fat like nuts and load up on veggies I’m pretty full anyhow.

These are all the things I can think of for now. No, I’m not holier than thou and I do not claim to never feel bad about my weight anymore. But for the most part I can’t conjur up that much care over the topic anymore. It’s good for me to try to keep things in check, but I can’t spend the rest of my 30s worrying about 5 pounds. There are other things to worry about. Like beargate.