Keeping my Head Above Water

Working full time as a litigation attorney and being a mom to a baby is hard y'all.  I am loving Clara so much and loving being her mom.  And I don't want to be a stay at home mom.  But I'm still finding my groove as far as managing everything goes.  I've been having to travel which has been rough in a number of ways and am super busy at work.  At times I feel like my brain is going to explode.  And my heart too because time spent away from the cutest of babies (Clara in case that's not obvious) often feels like time wasted.  I know I'm not the first person to struggle with this situation and I know that I have a number of options available to me.  I am going to make it work -- no question in my mind -- but like anything else that's important it's going to be hard work and cause some stress.  So this is all to say I'm pretty stressed out.  But life has never been better so there you have it.

Loving the Bouncy Chair

Oh, running?  No, I haven't been getting much exercise.  One groove-hitting at a time.  I can't get it all sorted out all at once.  That would surely throw me over the edge.

Motherhood -- weeks 0-7

The past 7 weeks have been a blur.  My days involve feeding Clara every couple of hours and trying to catch some sleep at night between feedings.  I seem unable to nap during the day and when I've tried, she has woken up and protested.  It's wonderful and exhausting all at the same time.  I don't really have the mental energy for much else though I have been out and about some.  

she sometimes smiles now if you smile at her!

I was cleared to run this past week and ran a few miles pain free.  It felt so wonderful!  However, my hamstrings were pretty sore from having not run in 6 months.  I guess hiking and the other stuff I've been doing don't use the same muscles. 

Really not much to report which is the report.  Caring for a newborn is all consuming yet there's not really much to say about it.  I go back to work next week which should be interesting.  I'm so grateful that Ted gets to take a few months off and spend some quality bonding time with our little girl. 

Birth Story -- A Race Report

Clara Shelly Coffman



Birth stories aren't supposed to be race reports, but because of my total ignorance of the fact that I no longer control things and my hubris, my birth story was a race.   A race to get home while on a work trip...

On Sunday February 24 I flew to Billings for a mediation.  Although I would be 37 weeks on Tuesday, it seemed totally reasonable to attend an out of town mediation on Monday.  I mean, there was no way I would be early.  In fact, I was quite confident I would go late and was researching whether I should ask to be induced at 41 weeks.  Because, you know, I get to decide these things.

I landed in Billings at 11:30 p.m. on Sunday night.  Walking to my rental car I felt a trickle in my pants.  "Did I seriously just pee myself?" I asked myself.  I'd heard of such things happening late in pregnancy.  Oh how embarassing.  I had been advised to super hydrate to avoid blood clots and I figured that was what I get for overhydrating. 

I checked into my hotel room and seemed to still be leaking.  This wasn't pee.  I panicked.  Should I drive home?  Bad idea -- it was the middle of the night and a snow storm.  I called to see if I could get an earlier flight home the next day.  Nope.  I reluctantly decided I should go to the Billings Clinic to get checked out.

At the Billings Clinic I tested positive for amniotic fluid but it didn't appear I was still leaking and an ultrasound showed plenty of fluid.  It also showed that little Clara Beara was breech.  The doctor said "C Section for you if she doesn't turn!"  Thanks lady. 

I did confirm that for $2000 I could get a private plane home with little notice.  With that knowledge in my back pocket I wearily went to mediation -- having not slept basically all night.  I leaked all day and knew I just needed to get home.  I did NOT want to give birth in Billings.  Alone.  I didn't really tell people at work, except my client, that I was in labor when the contractions started around lunchtime or call my doc because I didn't want anyone to make me stay in Billings.  I figured if things really seemed to be progressing I would go back to the Billings Clinic or maybe give birth in Salt Lake City where my layover was.  Both places have good hospitals.  In any event as of 4:00 a.m. I had lots of fluid and figured I had 24 hours to get home and safely deliver (based on my understanding of protocols when your membranes rupture).

I got my case settled :-)

My contractions were about 30 minutes apart and super easy all the way until I landed back in Kalispell at 11:30 p.m. Monday night.  I showered and went to bed, hoping things would stay low key until morning at which time I had a pre-scheduled doctor's appointment. 

Around 2:30 I woke up with a SERIOUS FOR REALS contraction.  Then they kept coming!  Ouch!  Realizing that this unfun labor would serve no purpose since I was likely having a C-Section I called the doc and headed to the hospital at 3:00 a.m.

Clara Shelly Coffman was delivered by C-Section at 5:34 a.m. on February 25.

The C-Section was actually sort of fun.  I planned an all natural suffer-through birth but enjoyed witnessing surgery.  I didn't mind the spinal block by the time I got it -- I was having back labor which offers no breaks at all unlike contractions which give you a few minutes respite. 

3.5 weeks post-partum and I'm feeling pretty good if tired.  I can walk a few miles and abdominal weakness seems to be my limitation -- doing too much makes my back hurt.  I lost 20 or so pounds the first week but am hanging onto another 10 or so pounds.  I am optimistic that by June 2015 when I turn 40 I can be in better shape than I was when I got pregnant in June 2013. 

She is beautiful and we are so in love with her.  It's true all the things parents say...

OK she's screaming time to go...

34 Weeks - Whitefish Whiteout

 

I did the "uphill" division of the Whitefish Whiteout -- ski mountaineering race -- a couple weeks ago.  Remarkably, I still made it up in 67 minutes, only 20 minutes slower than last year when I weighed 30 pounds less (I gained 10 between April and June while trying to get pregnant and was up 20 pounds as of a couple weeks ago...)  So, while my weight increased by 23% my time slowed by 42%.  I think.  Math is hard.  In any event I am not only giant-er I am not allowed to go as hard as I possibly can and am, well, really pregnant.  I did wear a spandex race suit, as you can see above, which was not only amazingly flattering but made me aerodynamic and therefore fast.  I actually won the womens' uphill division (though I was also the only woman).  Speaking of weight, I seem to be on track to gain a total of 30 pounds which is in the middle of the 25-35 recommended.  If you add in the extra 10 I appear to have gained in the few months preceding pregnancy I will have gained enough that I will probably not be one of those women who is in her pre-preggo jeans within a week of delivery...

In other news of greatness, Joanna came to visit last weekend.  We have been friends since we were 4 years old.  Although I was completely useless and did nothing but eat all their snacks, I was there for the birth of her first and she is my birthing inspiration.  She made it look pretty easy though I know it wasn't.  I hope to be like her and have a smooth sailing peaceful "natural" childbirth (to the extent that birth is really anything other than natural).  It was nice to catch up and hang out even if it was just a quick weekend.  We cross-country skied in Glacier National Park which was pleasant and a nice workout. 

I am otherwise just trying to gear up for the big big dance.

28 Weeks - Pregnancy Fitness

With only 12 more weeks to go, I am optimistic that I will get through pregnancy with a minimal, if any, loss of fitness (it's not like I started at some amazing level or anything).  I've been hiking, skinning up the mountain (and very slowly and carefully "safety gliding" down) and I think my heart will get through this in good shape and my quads might even benefit from the workouts with extra weight.

 

I realized the other day though as I was skinning up the mountain that my real challenge will be maintaining any modicum of fitness once the baby is here.  It's not like I won't be able to take her out for walks or hikes and stay active.  It's not like Ted won't be an amazing parent and facilitate some exercise time for me.  Even then, I can imagine that it might be an incredible challenge.  I can also imagine not really caring that much and being more focused on all things baby and no things personal self-care.

Hopefully I will surprise myself, just like I am currently surprising myself.  And hopefully I will pull through and not need the size XXL clothes I am accumulating for my outdoor pursuits. 

24 Weeks and Goals

Running may be pretty much out of the question unless my ligaments magically decide to be normal at some point during pregnancy, but hiking slowly up the ski hill feels like magic.  Normally I try to go nearly anaerobic when I do this, but obviously I am required to slow down at this point.  It takes about 50% longer than "normal" to get up the mountain but it really feels good and seems like a promising form of pregnancy exercise.  So, my goal will be to be able to keep slowly slogging up the mountain at least long enough to participate in the "uphill only" category of the Whitefish Whiteout, our local ski mountaineering race.

 

conditions are currently abysmal, they are preparing for opening day on December 7 by packing the snow with Cats which is the worst possible surface for skiing -- well, not as bad as a sheet of ice I suppose

If I can do it under 1:30, which seems possible, I might not even be last person up the mountain.  Wouldn't that be embarassing for the imaginary person I beat!  Not that I am trying to humiliate people but it would be sort of cool to 1) participate and 2) not be last up the hill.  We shall see.  As with everything else I'm just rolling with it.  Like a big fat roly poly.

Pregnancy and (not) Running and Pregnancy

These pictures are from a hike I did last weekend in Glacier to Firebrand Pass with Amber.  It was an amazingly beautiful day.  Possibly my last good hike of the season.  To quote from Game of Thrones: "winter is coming."  While hiking and walking feel pretty good, I might be done running until after I give birth.  Everything is just off and it's painful to run.  I think it's round ligament pain.  I don't especially have anything to prove so I will just back off.  It's a little bit of a bummer, especially since I am not really supposed to downhill ski this winter either, but I'm sure I will figure out a way to keep my mind and body entertained.  I have some projects I should do before the baby comes in March (I will probably find an excuse to not do them, they are the horrible cleaning types of things) and cross-country skiing will hopefully work out for me.



Impending parenthood is certainly getting more real.  My belly is visibly expanding and I can feel her move (it's a girl!), especially late at night.  This "realness" is prompting all kinds of feelings and thoughts, especially hopes and dreans of what the future holds for my daughter.  Namely, that she will be a confident and self-assured person who can stay true to herself and navigate this world with grace and while having fun.  It's a tough world and women still face all manner of nonsense.  I hope I can prepare her well for anything she might face and, above all, that she readily learns critical thinking.  

It's a strange thing to feel love for a complete stranger who could not even live on her own outside the womb right now (I'm 20 weeks).  Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's instinct, who knows.  I would not have ever imagined feeling this way about someone who is not yet really quite someone (Ted likens her to a baby bird or perhaps a lizard). 

 

It's an exciting time.  March can't come fast enough.  When I next return to hike in Glacier I will likely be a mom.  To a human.  Mind blown.

Floral Park Traverse (12 weeks pregnant)

First, you need to know that all of these pictures were taken by and lifted from Amber's Facebook.  Her pictures turned out better than mine.  Second, it's true: I am pregnant.  Twelve weeks pregnant.  I was pregnant during my Yellowstone trip and am trying to still get out there despite having felt like I have chronic fatigue syndrome.  It's less awesome than being not pregnant in that respect but seems worthwhile (I am going to take at face value that parenthood is going to be great).

there's me hauling my growing body up the rock!

 More to the point, this weekend I did the "Floral Park Traverse" for the second time.  This is a 20 mile hike with 10 miles or so of trail and 10 miles of off-trail adventuring through cool high alpine rocky glacial places.

 Unlike climbing peaks in the Park, the allure of this walk is the immediate rock formations, glacial formations and pools etc.  Also, this is much less technical than many scrambles in the park -- there is nothing that is exposed or terrifying (though there are a few tedious and/or exhausting ups and downs).

 It was a cloudy day and I experienced biting gnats for the first time.  They are gross and very itchy.  I still itch and have blisters.  Gross.

It was a beautiful way to spend Labor Day and we had a great crew along for the hike.  It feels a little like a "last hurrah" since as I get fatter it will become more difficult to lug my body up and down mountains.  I hope to do some cool stuff still but I definitely don't have anything to prove and don't plan to impress everyone with my wild pregnant endeavors.  So, this blog may get pretty dull but hopefully my (possible depending on how it goes and what my doctor says) efforts at pregnant skiing this winter will have some comedic value.

Mount Pollock climb -- Glacier National Park

Mt. Pollock from the Going to the Sun Road -- not too far away

 This past weekend my friend Laura and I decided to climb Mt. Pollock in Glacier.  The nature of the rock in Glacier National Park lends itself to rope-less off-trail scrambling up mountains (i.e. it's crumbly which can also be bad).  It can sometimes be a little dicey (and sometimes dangerous if you're being chance-y) but is typically extremely rewarding if exhausting.

We chose Pollock -- or rather I did -- because it promised to be all class 2 and 3 which is relatively tame.  Class 2 is basically walking about Class 3 is generally unexposed scrambling (in my view which might be wrong).  This was basically a good choice.

Looking back as we made our way upwards

Mt. Siyeh as seen from saddle between Piegan and Pollock

 There was one section that I was not 100% confident on -- pictured immediately below.  This rock chimney was basically vertical, though Laura climbed up and confirmed that after this short section it was just walking.  So, I sucked it up and after a practice up/down part of the way I made it up without difficulty.  Mind over matter.

 Below is the "cleft" as seen from the safety of the top.  I feel, based on my own internal rating system, this should be Class 4 -- it wasn't any easier than the climb up Mt. Henry which is Class 4???

Laura walking towads Bishop's Cap

It was really a fantastic day and and yet another reminder of how beautiful GNP is.  It was also a pleasant reminder that I am moderately improving my mental game.

Rock Climbing

Thankfully there are no pictures, but I tried rock climbing for the first time ever in my life last night.  A couple friends were willing to "teach" and a few of us newbies were anxious to learn the ropes.  (Ha ha ha get it?)  It was actually incredibly fun.  Not only that, it was far less scary than some of the "scrambling" I've done in Glacier National Park (ok, I haven't really done anything objectively scary but that further emphasizes how unscary rock climbing was).  I am really hopeful that rock climbing (not that I plan to take it up as a primary hobby or anything) will 1) help me with my fear of heights, 2) help me better learn where to put my hands and feet thus giving me confidence scrambling without rope, 3) help me practice climbing with the safety and comfort of rope (which should transfer to climbing class 4 stuff that doesn't really require rope but requires some basic ability to know what to do without freaking out) and 4) be another fun way to get some exercise.  Also, I should mention there's a lot of gear involved and well, gear.

from the internet (claims to be free download wallpaper)

I think it will be even more fun with actual climbing shoes -- sneakers are a bit limiting.  I expect I will be lucky to get out one or two more times this season but who knows.  It's amazing how new and novel activities can rejuvinate one's interest in being outside and doing stuff.  Not that I ever really tire of being outside and doing stuff, but sometimes the fervent enthusiasm just sort of wanes.  I highly recommend trying new and possibly ridiculous seeming things.  Because, why not.

Yellowstone National Park in 7 days (Fat Camp 2013)

 

So, I am alive.  I apologize if my disappearance had you wondering whether I was dead or having some sort of traumatic life experience.  I was simply not up to a whole lot that is appropriate for this blog.  However, I did recently go on a 7 day backpacking trip to Yellowstone National Park with my friends Amber, Meghan and Dave.

 

I haven't been to Yellowstone since I was little.  That trip, which I only vaguely remember, is what sparked my obsession with moving to Montana.  We were driving on what I assume was the Beartooth Highway and I was lying in the back of our van incredibly motion sick.  Looking up through the windows I remember thinking "this is the most beautiful place on earth." 

I haven't been back on the Beartooth Highway but enjoyed the opportunity to get a more thorough Yellowstone experience beyond Old Faithful (though we did visit Old Faithful and watch it erupt when we got there -- gotta do it). 

Our trip started on the Lamar River in or near the Hayden Valley and made its way to the Hoodoo Basin, to Yellowstone Lake, to the Thorofare and out Heart Lake.  We covered roughly 100 miles.  I was particularly exhausted during this trip, but made it and enjoyed it (though I was ready to be done by the end). 

I'm not very good at describing the blow-by-blow of such a long trip, but suffice it to say that getting out into the woods for at least a few days unplugged is soul cleansing.  Being totally away from my work email and voicemail is probably the best thing I can do for myself.  If you can believe it, I actually felt ready to return to work afterwards.

It's also a wonderful way to spend quality time with friends.  I wish all my friends could go backpacking with me.  At least the ones who wouldn't whine that is :p

We call this "Fat Camp" and the first year, when Meghan and I hiked the Highline Trail in the Uintas, I did actually lose weight.  The past couple of years I seem to have gotten fatter.  Especially this year.  It seems that it would be impossible but it's not.   

Evidently I only run if I sign up for an event.

In the last month I have run approximately two times.  Allison and I did Bighorn 50, pictures below, and yesterday I did brutally hot and hilly half marathon on forest service roads in the Swan.  I do not recommend this strategy.  Bighorn was really fun but I ran a PW yesterday (2:05) and almost died (not really).  It was pretty though.

Bighorn is one of the best races out there though.  You must do it.

random guy

Free Will

The weather was good and I had a hankering for a hike even though it is only early June and the options are somewhat limited.  However, I did not go to bed early, did not make advance plans with any friends and ended up sleeping until 9:30.  Those are all typically plan-killers.  Traditionally, you do not wake up at 9:30 and go for a hike much less on the east side of Glacier National Park, which is nearly 2 hours away.  However, when I woke up late and groggy and lamented to Ted that I blew it, he reminded me that the days are long now and I still had many many hours of daylight.  I did the math and realized if I hustled I could easily do a long hike all the way on the east side of Glacier National Park and have plenty of daylight.  Admittedly, I am a social critter and rarely venture out alone.  But I wanted an adventure.

For some silly reason I not only wanted to hike, but wanted to test my bravery off-trail without the pressure of company.  Not that I have a single friend who judges me for my cowardice (to my knowledge), but I have this compulsion to overcome and prove.  But I need practice you see (so that I can prove I guess).  Alone.  Without pressure.  It's comforting to know that you can turn around if you want and disappoint no one.

A few years ago I experienced my first off-trail GNP "scramble" when Brad took me Jill and Dave on an extended Scenic Point ridge walk.  I recall being freaked out by the climb up Medicine, pictured above.  I also remember it being so exhilarating.  I have not actually gained that much experience since, but this time it was an incredibly easy walk up.  It is now difficult for me to fathom what made me jittery the first time.  I can only guess that it was my inexperience and my unreasonable level of fear.  It is freeing to be less afraid.  (Yes, it's basically a little knob, bear with me here).

Above all, it was freeing to willfully do something that I knew might be scary but not be scared at all.  I was not marching up because a friend was taking me there (and don't get me wrong I am insanely grateful for any invite), but because I had independently chosen my precise route and every exact step.  It was my choice to continue on or turn back.  The power to choose and be deliberate quashes fear. 

I was giddy and elated thinking about how alone I was.  There were lots of folks on the trail and the chances of spending more than an hour alone were nill.  Upon the ridge, even being a relatively popular ridge, I was completely alone.  In the few rare moments when the insanely strong wind quieted, the quiet was powerful.  I was alone.  (Though you could probably see me from the Scenic Point trail -- I wasn't exactly in the super remote outer bounds of civilization.  But this is all relative remember). 

Pictured above is Mt. Henry.  I turned around at the spot of this photo.  Although I had planned to retrace my steps I scoped out the route down through the drainage and decided to take an unplanned and unknown-to-me route off-trail back to my truck.  I could see from above what looked like an easy route, and don't get me wrong, it was (though tedious it turned out), but I couldn't help but feel doubtful and question my decision making as I picked my way down the large rocky scree slopes towards the trail (which bounced in and out of view which was nerve wracking).  I even crossed a singular snow field alone.  I hate snow fields, even when they are low angle and the run-out is not particularly dangerous.  I am fearful.  But I totally wasn't.  Because if I chose to I could have avoided it.  But I decided to cross it.

Above is the drainage I came down.  In truth it's quite easy (though from afar it look sort of cliff-y no?), but for me, having never done it and being alone, it was an adventure.  Above all, spending a day making my own decisions and suffering my own consequences was a spectacular reminder that I do have free will and can make my own way -- for better or worse.  (And on reflection, I have made an excellent way, by the way (so far)).

Mundanity

Truly good blog writers who offer more than pictures and recitations of fun adventures might be able to keep things going blog-wise during the mundane stretches in life, but unfortunately this is more of a picture blog and I haven't been doing all that much that warrants a post on a picture blog.  I did recently go for a bike ride in Glacier National Park.  See:

I am one of the dots riding the Going to the Sun Road on my bike

And I also went to Great Falls for a fundraiser and spaced out on the drive home and actually took the wrong road and ended up in Glacier National Park rather than on Highway 2.  I stopped and took pictures.  See here:

I think this is Two Medicine Lake

the snow is melting right away on the east side of the Park

The reality is that I am simply not always doing fun or interesting things.  A lot of the time I'm really busy at work or wrapped up in other thoughts or obsessions that aren't especially blog appropriate.  I could tell you about how much work stresses me out at times or how I joined Rotary but that would take some genuine thoughtfulness and creative genius (to make it interesting at least).  Since I can't think of any way to do that, I'll just let you know that I haven't been up to all that much lately.

Real Endurance

White Mountains 100 took a certain amount of determination and endurance, no doubt, but the real test of will was only to follow.  You see, I flew directly from Fairbanks (it was -24 when I left) to Puerto Vallarta.  I had ahead of me nearly a full week of the following arduous routine:

dinner portion of one day - photo by Bea

1.  Wake up to a bright orb thing shining in the windows
2.  Possibly mix a cocktail to put in the coffee mug since the bar doesn't open until 10 or 11
3.  Apply sunscreen, go to beach or pool (or spa if it's a spa day - I got two massages)
4.  Locate chair saved by someone else who got up earlier
5.  Sit on chair and resume sleeping or read
6.  Order beer or drink of the day from waiter
7.  End up with multiple drinks because he keeps bringing extra free ones because he loves us
8.  Order nachos or some other delicious food (to be brought to pool or beach, don't want to get up)
9.  Drink and sit more - socialize perhaps
10.  Talk about dinner plans
11.  Shower
12.  Execute dinner plans -- eat well, including dessert, possibly have port wine as well
13.  Watch men folk smoke Cuban cigars -- possibly take a nighttime dip in the ocean (try to not flash butt to horrified onlookers)
14.  Go to bed, listen to waves

REPEAT. 

Not everyone can manage this.  I had to dig deep at times, but I am well trained for this type of endurance effort.  It wrecked me way more than White Mountains too, which probably doesn't surprise you...